Bamboo

This panda is a little bit street.

Children on Universal Health Care Coverage

AARP jokes

So sad...

Q. Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's a$$ all the way to Egypt .'

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: ' Gee, I remember these.'

Thanks, Linda!

How to earn a cushy spot in life

1. Find an unsuspecting baby lying on the grass, unattended by its parental units.



2. Next, make certain the object you spied is indeed a baby. It's recommended to do this by classic sniffing techniques, including the baby butt. If you smell baby powder, wet diapers, sour milk, or a diaper with a "baby present", you're spot on.


3. Flatten the baby to an appropriate size. Make certain to drool on him from your jowls. Germs are good for babies.


4. Slide said baby between your paws, similar to the way you hold a chewstick. Make sure to provide some lip-smacking actions, just in case it turns out it isn't a baby, but is in fact a chewstick.

5. Spy the hidden parental unit with the camera. Cock head in baroo fashion and lean in for the cute photo op. Wait for the "awwwww."






This should earn you pets, treats, and a warm safe place for life in addition to a fluffy human toy.

Weight watcher cards from the 1970s with commentary

One of the funniest sites I have ever found on the internet.

A few are attached for your pleasure. I highly recommend following the jump.

"This looks like hell but I sure dig the "Czarina" part. Would you enjoy Tuna Czarina, or Cottage Cheese Czarina, or Cream of Wheat Czarina? You almost would, right?

Okay, never mind.

And what's with the shower curtain on the right? "

Actually, I think it's a mumu, not a shower curtain.

"I have no idea what "shashlik" is. All I know about this dish is that it's meat. And that the meat's, uh... caucasian."

Funny, I had to look Shashlik up on Wiki. I had no idea that a mere 20 years after the Red Scare, that this dish would be a "classic adaptation." (I know that when I was in Russia, I did not see any caucasian shashliks!)

"Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another.

One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word fluffy would help.

Oh, and eggs, too. "

The horror! I also love how it's titled "convenience fish." I have another name for that, and it's sushi.

Anyway, more hilarity ensues after the jump:
Candyboots

As for all good cults, there is a whole flickr group for people to submit their attempts at the recipes.

Make the Mackerel!


One can start to see how these recipes would have the desired effect on consumption and eventual weight loss.

Thanks for sending this in, Susan.

The importance of being bilingual

...and no, this blog is not sponsored by Rosetta Stone.

Thanks, Linda, for sending this one in!

Funny Street Signs, Part 2

Since we don't have these signs in the Pacific Northwest, I'm assuming our roads don't have these problems.




Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliment! Big Ben! Parliment!


That's the other right, to you.

Look out!

Funny Street Signs

What do you think they do on a Saturday night?


Shh! Only a secret to the illiterate.


How's that again?


Say what? And don't falling cows always land on their feet?


Is this like the Artist, Formerly Known as Prince?

David Hasselhoff

Ok, people have waaaay too much fun with the Hoff. I mean, I know Germans love him.

See for yourself.





And my favorite.

Rock-Paper-Scissors, or how the Allies Won the War

Ah hah! The mystery is revealed!!

Amazing Photo of Water on Mars

Sometimes I can't believe technology today. The photo quality is fantastic.

Craiglist posting

Perhaps the only leather couch that comes with furry cushions.

Doonesbury on menu labeling

As New York has braved the waters of nutritional labeling, we here in the Pacific Northwest are next to cannonball into the scary world of calorie counts.

These three strips (not chicken, cartoon) say it so well.

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

First, I have to admit I had never been a huge Joss Whedon fan, prior to the onset of Firefly. I didn't watch Buffy or Angel, but Firefly was one series that I really enjoyed. I especially loved Nathan Fillion as tough-skinned but soft-hearted Malcom Reynolds. And here he is, starring along with Neil Patrick Harris (second admission: I watched Doogie Howser, MD).

Third admission: I was totally turned off by the name "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog."
1. The name is too long for American attention spa....
2. Who cares about blogs? (hm, maybe I should re-think that.)
3. Is there a bouncing ball? How do I sing along?

Anyway, I decided to give it a shot. The premise is that a blonde cheerleader is humanity's single hope against evil (hmmm...remind anyone else of "save the cheerleader, save the world'?); Nathan Fillion a jerky, bully superhero, and NPH as a misfit, Walter Mitty-esque evil genius who is actually a sweet, shy man. Place on top of that songs, and some and superb, snappy dialogue....and you have Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blong. It's not perfect, but it definitely made me laugh.

So, if you missed the internet sensation, here's a little preview. The show is available via download from iTunes, or a DVD release is planned for the fall.








Official site: http://www.drhorrible.com/

Dana Torres, Olympian

To me, Dana Torres personfies Olympic Glory. It certainly seems like, especially for many of the female sports, that the "best" who are competing are women (girls) under age 25.

Ms. Torres was the oldest swimmer to have won an Olympic medal at age 33. She crushed her record by 8 years. She inspires me because she quit the sport, and her comeback came about because she loves what she does. To me, it's a reminder that as the first blush of youth fades, with hard work and dedication, there are still dreams within our reach.

Cheers to you, Ms. Torres!

Where the H-e-double toothpicks is Matt?

Several years ago, I remember seeing a wacky self-made video with some white guy doing a crazy white guy dance in different locations around the world. It made me laugh at the time, and I thought nothing more of it.

As it turns out, the guy who made it got a sponsorship from a gum company, of all things, and made two more videos. This one, the latest, has Matt dancing with other people and is my favorite. Given how many differences we (globally) seem to see between ourselves and others, I love how this video shows we are much the same. I was especially touched by the children's excitement and enthusiasm. The background music, recorded for the video, just adds to the charm.

I like to watch this video when I've had a bad day. I find that it always uplifts my spirits.



Here is a link to Matt's website: www.wherethehellismatt.com

Fluevogs - Pipsqueak

I must confess to having developed a love for shoes, especially John Fluevogs. I discovered Fluevogs about 5 years ago, and used to just enjoy browsing the stores, looking at the fun, funky, colorful shoes.

Then a co-worker helped "convince" me to purchase a pair (replete with arm twisting and threats of violence /sarcasm off). Since then, it's been a torrid affair. I find that Fluevogs are very comfortable and they are conversation pieces. People talk to me in the streets, standing in line, at restaurants, at the grocery story, waiting for the bus...you get the drift. I find that these shoes frequently cause an attitude shift - wearing them brings out the social aspect.

These Pipsqueaks are peep-toes, which I love partially because of the name. I have never BEEN a pipsqueak (not even when I was a rugrat), and I still have a fondness for the word peep. I think that hearkens back to the marshmellow devils and the fun you can have on sugar high.

But anyway, these shoes feel great on my feet and today, they are what makes me happy.

Bobby McWobbleson

On a recent trip to Yellowstone National Park, much of the park was still closed because of the harsh winter conditions and excessive snow from this year. This was my first time to visit the park and I was pretty excited. When I heard it was buffalo (bison) birthing season, I had hoped I would get to see a baby, from far away, of course. Bison are big animals and I had no desire to tussle with Mama Buff protecting her offspring.

As we drove through the Grand Loop, there was a long line-up of cars. We wondered what could possibly be causing the backup, during a weekday, not in high season. The sides of the road were still piled high with snow, and we thought perhaps someone had skidded off the road. Lo and behold, it was 3 adult bison escorting a baby down the road. He walked, wobbling along on his shaky legs, so we named him "Bobby McWobbleson." I submit the picture for your enjoyment.