Bamboo

This panda is a little bit street.

Children on Universal Health Care Coverage

AARP jokes

So sad...

Q. Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's a$$ all the way to Egypt .'

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: ' Gee, I remember these.'

Thanks, Linda!

How to earn a cushy spot in life

1. Find an unsuspecting baby lying on the grass, unattended by its parental units.



2. Next, make certain the object you spied is indeed a baby. It's recommended to do this by classic sniffing techniques, including the baby butt. If you smell baby powder, wet diapers, sour milk, or a diaper with a "baby present", you're spot on.


3. Flatten the baby to an appropriate size. Make certain to drool on him from your jowls. Germs are good for babies.


4. Slide said baby between your paws, similar to the way you hold a chewstick. Make sure to provide some lip-smacking actions, just in case it turns out it isn't a baby, but is in fact a chewstick.

5. Spy the hidden parental unit with the camera. Cock head in baroo fashion and lean in for the cute photo op. Wait for the "awwwww."






This should earn you pets, treats, and a warm safe place for life in addition to a fluffy human toy.

Weight watcher cards from the 1970s with commentary

One of the funniest sites I have ever found on the internet.

A few are attached for your pleasure. I highly recommend following the jump.

"This looks like hell but I sure dig the "Czarina" part. Would you enjoy Tuna Czarina, or Cottage Cheese Czarina, or Cream of Wheat Czarina? You almost would, right?

Okay, never mind.

And what's with the shower curtain on the right? "

Actually, I think it's a mumu, not a shower curtain.

"I have no idea what "shashlik" is. All I know about this dish is that it's meat. And that the meat's, uh... caucasian."

Funny, I had to look Shashlik up on Wiki. I had no idea that a mere 20 years after the Red Scare, that this dish would be a "classic adaptation." (I know that when I was in Russia, I did not see any caucasian shashliks!)

"Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another.

One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word fluffy would help.

Oh, and eggs, too. "

The horror! I also love how it's titled "convenience fish." I have another name for that, and it's sushi.

Anyway, more hilarity ensues after the jump:
Candyboots

As for all good cults, there is a whole flickr group for people to submit their attempts at the recipes.

Make the Mackerel!


One can start to see how these recipes would have the desired effect on consumption and eventual weight loss.

Thanks for sending this in, Susan.

The importance of being bilingual

...and no, this blog is not sponsored by Rosetta Stone.

Thanks, Linda, for sending this one in!

Funny Street Signs, Part 2

Since we don't have these signs in the Pacific Northwest, I'm assuming our roads don't have these problems.




Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliment! Big Ben! Parliment!


That's the other right, to you.

Look out!

Funny Street Signs

What do you think they do on a Saturday night?


Shh! Only a secret to the illiterate.


How's that again?


Say what? And don't falling cows always land on their feet?


Is this like the Artist, Formerly Known as Prince?

David Hasselhoff

Ok, people have waaaay too much fun with the Hoff. I mean, I know Germans love him.

See for yourself.





And my favorite.