Saturday, November 15, 2008

The "special" napkins

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old. One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins' in the bathroom.

Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions'. Now fast forward a few months....

It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!!"

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

AC/DC Excel Music Video

Yes, *that* Excel, the one from Microsoft. It's an ASCII music video. I think all I can say is ... WOW.

Obama Videos

Two videos for your edification: one a little scary and the other one pretty funny.



Homemade music videos...if his brother is in Iraq, he must be the oldest guy there! Sometimes I do wonder if the internet is a good thing....

This hockey mom does not like Palin. But she has a lot to say to fit into the music. Love the moosehead pianist.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Old Ameriquest Commercial

This was recently sent my way, and I forgot how much I had enjoyed it then. Misunderstandings can be pretty funny!

Friday, October 31, 2008

2008 Submarine Racing Champions




Here are pictures of the top three winners of the 2008 Submarine Races!

What did you expect to see?

Thanks, Linda!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Puns for Friday

These are so bad, I should save them for Sunday and call it Punday. But I just enjoyed them too much to wait. #10 and #17 are my favorites. Happy Friday!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes in-verse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Election to be decided by new demographic data



There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. I love the "underemployed mathematician" and "Dinty-Moore Dads". Wonder if we'll see these categories on the 2010 Census?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Drunken Pumpkins

There's a great summer recipe involving vodka and punching a hole in a fruit to create a "drunken watermelon". Looks like beer and pumpkins don't mix as well.

The last pumpkin looks a little, well, seedy.



Thanks for sending this in, Linda!

Monday, October 13, 2008

My new favorite joke about pirates

So, a pirate walks into a bar. He's regaled in complete pirate outfit with a parrot on his shoulder, the eyepatch, a gold tooth, and a hook for a hand. The only thing he was missing was a pirate hat. Instead, he had a folded paper towel on his head. After he'd tossed a few ales back, the barman said, "I gotta ask - why don't you have a pirate hat?"

The pirate replied, "Arrr, haven't ya hearrrd? Thar's a Bounty on me head!"

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

Time for Some Campaigning

Halloween 2008




Sure seems that way, anyhow!


Thanks for sending this one in, Linda!

Liberals escaping to Canada

Subject: Liberals escaping to Canada

From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada (a very underground paper):



A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin election is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.


Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. 'I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,' said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. 'He asked me if I could spare a latte and
some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?'

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real effective', he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

'A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,' an Ontario border patrolman said. 'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. 'They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.'

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves from airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the Rapture.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and
quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. 'If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age', an official
said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. 'I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them', an
Ottawa resident said. 'How many art-history and English majors does one country need?'

Thanks for sending this in, HA!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Smart Cars

So now that you can get a Smart Car here in the US, here's what they look like.


Cute, right? Too small and wussy for a man?

Well, get the Smart Car full body kit!


Your very own SMORVETTE!


Or, if you're an off-roader, the Smaudi AWD!


The German component: Heil Smorsche!


Or perhaps you'd prefer to go Italian style - mangia this, Smart Car: the Smamborghini!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Prarie Dog Video Heaven

From this one 28 second video, CuteOverload.com had people do a mash-up.



This was my favorite.



This guy won. I laughed, but found I must have YouTube ADD, because I never make it through the 3:00+ minute song. Sadness, I know!



I was all expecting someone do to the "dramatic prarie dog" end.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tutoring Palin - a David Horsey cartoon

Note how the crowd is chanting her name, she's in the Republican red dress, and she's being tutored.



Remind anyone of this beauty queen?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Ninja Cat

Watch out!! He be coming for your catnip!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Palin and Clinton -SNL skit

Love how they are in the red and blue dress respectively. Tina Fey hits the impression square on!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Life and Humanity

Some days I just have to scream...


Happy Friday!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Zombie kitties - Meg - Addicted to Kitty Love

So, this video stars Meg, a dancing-challenged woman with apparent magical powers. She flits her fingers around and black gloved hands do her every bidding.

Skip to the last 1:40 for the best part. Kitties for dinner, flying through the air. They dance, zombie-fied. And then it cuts to a Robert Palmer "addicted to love" scene.

Strange, but also funny. When zombie cats attack dance, next on FOX!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bamboo

This panda is a little bit street.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

AARP jokes

So sad...

Q. Where can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore-------under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's a$$ all the way to Egypt .'

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: ' Gee, I remember these.'

Thanks, Linda!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

How to earn a cushy spot in life

1. Find an unsuspecting baby lying on the grass, unattended by its parental units.



2. Next, make certain the object you spied is indeed a baby. It's recommended to do this by classic sniffing techniques, including the baby butt. If you smell baby powder, wet diapers, sour milk, or a diaper with a "baby present", you're spot on.


3. Flatten the baby to an appropriate size. Make certain to drool on him from your jowls. Germs are good for babies.


4. Slide said baby between your paws, similar to the way you hold a chewstick. Make sure to provide some lip-smacking actions, just in case it turns out it isn't a baby, but is in fact a chewstick.

5. Spy the hidden parental unit with the camera. Cock head in baroo fashion and lean in for the cute photo op. Wait for the "awwwww."






This should earn you pets, treats, and a warm safe place for life in addition to a fluffy human toy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Weight watcher cards from the 1970s with commentary

One of the funniest sites I have ever found on the internet.

A few are attached for your pleasure. I highly recommend following the jump.


"This looks like hell but I sure dig the "Czarina" part. Would you enjoy Tuna Czarina, or Cottage Cheese Czarina, or Cream of Wheat Czarina? You almost would, right?

Okay, never mind.

And what's with the shower curtain on the right? "


Actually, I think it's a mumu, not a shower curtain.


"I have no idea what "shashlik" is. All I know about this dish is that it's meat. And that the meat's, uh... caucasian."


Funny, I had to look Shashlik up on Wiki. I had no idea that a mere 20 years after the Red Scare, that this dish would be a "classic adaptation." (I know that when I was in Russia, I did not see any caucasian shashliks!)


"Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another.

One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word fluffy would help.

Oh, and eggs, too. "


The horror! I also love how it's titled "convenience fish." I have another name for that, and it's sushi.

Anyway, more hilarity ensues after the jump:
Candyboots

As for all good cults, there is a whole flickr group for people to submit their attempts at the recipes.

Make the Mackerel!


One can start to see how these recipes would have the desired effect on consumption and eventual weight loss.

Thanks for sending this in, Susan.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The importance of being bilingual



...and no, this blog is not sponsored by Rosetta Stone.

Thanks, Linda, for sending this one in!

Funny Street Signs, Part 2

Since we don't have these signs in the Pacific Northwest, I'm assuming our roads don't have these problems.




Look, kids! Big Ben! Parliment! Big Ben! Parliment!


That's the other right, to you.

Look out!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Funny Street Signs

What do you think they do on a Saturday night?


Shh! Only a secret to the illiterate.


How's that again?


Say what? And don't falling cows always land on their feet?


Is this like the Artist, Formerly Known as Prince?

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

David Hasselhoff

Ok, people have waaaay too much fun with the Hoff. I mean, I know Germans love him.

See for yourself.





And my favorite.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Amazing Photo of Water on Mars

Sometimes I can't believe technology today. The photo quality is fantastic.





Friday, August 15, 2008

Craiglist posting



Perhaps the only leather couch that comes with furry cushions.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Doonesbury on menu labeling

As New York has braved the waters of nutritional labeling, we here in the Pacific Northwest are next to cannonball into the scary world of calorie counts.

These three strips (not chicken, cartoon) say it so well.



Monday, August 11, 2008

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

First, I have to admit I had never been a huge Joss Whedon fan, prior to the onset of Firefly. I didn't watch Buffy or Angel, but Firefly was one series that I really enjoyed. I especially loved Nathan Fillion as tough-skinned but soft-hearted Malcom Reynolds. And here he is, starring along with Neil Patrick Harris (second admission: I watched Doogie Howser, MD).

Third admission: I was totally turned off by the name "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog."
1. The name is too long for American attention spa....
2. Who cares about blogs? (hm, maybe I should re-think that.)
3. Is there a bouncing ball? How do I sing along?

Anyway, I decided to give it a shot. The premise is that a blonde cheerleader is humanity's single hope against evil (hmmm...remind anyone else of "save the cheerleader, save the world'?); Nathan Fillion a jerky, bully superhero, and NPH as a misfit, Walter Mitty-esque evil genius who is actually a sweet, shy man. Place on top of that songs, and some and superb, snappy dialogue....and you have Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blong. It's not perfect, but it definitely made me laugh.

So, if you missed the internet sensation, here's a little preview. The show is available via download from iTunes, or a DVD release is planned for the fall.








Official site: http://www.drhorrible.com/

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Dana Torres, Olympian

To me, Dana Torres personfies Olympic Glory. It certainly seems like, especially for many of the female sports, that the "best" who are competing are women (girls) under age 25.

Ms. Torres was the oldest swimmer to have won an Olympic medal at age 33. She crushed her record by 8 years. She inspires me because she quit the sport, and her comeback came about because she loves what she does. To me, it's a reminder that as the first blush of youth fades, with hard work and dedication, there are still dreams within our reach.

Cheers to you, Ms. Torres!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Where the H-e-double toothpicks is Matt?

Several years ago, I remember seeing a wacky self-made video with some white guy doing a crazy white guy dance in different locations around the world. It made me laugh at the time, and I thought nothing more of it.

As it turns out, the guy who made it got a sponsorship from a gum company, of all things, and made two more videos. This one, the latest, has Matt dancing with other people and is my favorite. Given how many differences we (globally) seem to see between ourselves and others, I love how this video shows we are much the same. I was especially touched by the children's excitement and enthusiasm. The background music, recorded for the video, just adds to the charm.

I like to watch this video when I've had a bad day. I find that it always uplifts my spirits.



Here is a link to Matt's website: www.wherethehellismatt.com

Friday, August 8, 2008

Fluevogs - Pipsqueak




I must confess to having developed a love for shoes, especially John Fluevogs. I discovered Fluevogs about 5 years ago, and used to just enjoy browsing the stores, looking at the fun, funky, colorful shoes.

Then a co-worker helped "convince" me to purchase a pair (replete with arm twisting and threats of violence /sarcasm off). Since then, it's been a torrid affair. I find that Fluevogs are very comfortable and they are conversation pieces. People talk to me in the streets, standing in line, at restaurants, at the grocery story, waiting for the bus...you get the drift. I find that these shoes frequently cause an attitude shift - wearing them brings out the social aspect.

These Pipsqueaks are peep-toes, which I love partially because of the name. I have never BEEN a pipsqueak (not even when I was a rugrat), and I still have a fondness for the word peep. I think that hearkens back to the marshmellow devils and the fun you can have on sugar high.

But anyway, these shoes feel great on my feet and today, they are what makes me happy.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Bobby McWobbleson



On a recent trip to Yellowstone National Park, much of the park was still closed because of the harsh winter conditions and excessive snow from this year. This was my first time to visit the park and I was pretty excited. When I heard it was buffalo (bison) birthing season, I had hoped I would get to see a baby, from far away, of course. Bison are big animals and I had no desire to tussle with Mama Buff protecting her offspring.

As we drove through the Grand Loop, there was a long line-up of cars. We wondered what could possibly be causing the backup, during a weekday, not in high season. The sides of the road were still piled high with snow, and we thought perhaps someone had skidded off the road. Lo and behold, it was 3 adult bison escorting a baby down the road. He walked, wobbling along on his shaky legs, so we named him "Bobby McWobbleson." I submit the picture for your enjoyment.